Thursday, May 20, 2010

Our Quest for Companionship

I have never felt the need to make friends like I have since Devyn has come into my life. Most of my friends do not have kids and have therefore decided that I'm either too busy or they don't think that hanging around the two of us is that much fun. It would also be nice to make some friends with babies around Devyn's age so that she could have someone to hang out with too. In an effort to expand our social life, we have been attending a "New Mommy Mixer" since Devyn was 6 weeks old. In the five and a half months we have been attending we have managed to make zero friends. Making friends is like finding a date and probably just as stressful. You want someone who you have things in common with, who is trustworthy, compatible, like-minded and of course you're afraid of rejection. We seem to attract people like the opposite sides of a magnet. I have been trying to figure out why nobody wants to be our friend. Maybe its me. I'm a pretty honest person which means I'm straightforward (I have been called other words that aren't as nice but still mean the same thing). I'm very chatty so if I'm thinking it, you're probably going to hear about it. I also have a bit of a silly streak. I love to have fun and I never fully grew up. Maybe its Devyn. Maybe she talks too much. Her chatter probably sounds like screeching and screaming to everyone else. She especially likes to do this during an important discussion that everyone is trying to listen to. Don't get me wrong, if not for this group I would have given up on breastfeeding long ago. Watching all the moms whipping them out and doing it with ease, not to mention the on-site lactation consultants there provided us with plenty of support to keep trying. I am forever grateful and owe my success to this group. Actually you're kind of an outcast there if you don't nurse. I tried to give away some formula a few weeks ago. I announced this by asking if anyone there uses formula. I think I heard the crickets chirping. Only about two women out of the 25 there used it and the rest of them were looking at me as if I asked "So, who here likes beating their babies?" I'm sure that didn't help my cause too much. I have decided to give up on this group of women. I'd rather deal with Devyn being my only friend in the world than with the frustration week after week. On a positive note, the other day I met a lady in the Walmart parking lot who said she would go to another group with me which I was already considering going to. She even gave me her phone number! Maybe there's some hope for Devyn and I after all!

1 comment:

  1. Hi,

    I just thought I'd post to let you know I'd stopped by your blog. I found it through Top Baby Blogs and, honestly, just enjoyed reading.

    I ended up being a pumping mommy because breastfeeding just didn't happen - two and a half weeks; three lactation consultants; nipple shields; syringes; you name it, I tried it. She didn't latch and I gave up. I admire your persistance.

    But after 8 months I'm still pumping and supplementing with formula, so I figure she's getting some of the benefits of breastfeeding.

    As for making friends - it gets harder as you get older. I think we become generally less open and trusting. And we never want to appear needy. I have some nice mommy friends now - but they are all, save one, women I knew vaguely before pregnancy and got to know better after we had babies because we were all on mat leave at the same time (so we might as well hang out). I love that I've gotten to know them better - but am not sure what I would have done for friends without them. I've met nice women at baby groups - but haven't really managed to connect much beyond that.

    Best of luck to you! And, I also have to say - lovely name choice. I haven't heard Devyn before and I like it!

    Louise @